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Everything was blank, almost like I was floating between sleep and wakefulness. I could see the way his frantic eyes had met mine as he’d kicked and screamed.įinally, blessedly, the sounds melted away until there was only white noise. Keller’s screams replayed over and over in my ears until I dragged my arm over the side of my head, pushing my biceps hard against my ear. I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to sleep again. Maybe they thought I was asleep, but I wasn’t. I wondered if this was what it felt like to be dead.įamily came in and out of the bedroom, checking on me and talking in low whispers that they thought I couldn’t hear. My limbs were so heavy that I wasn’t even sure that I’d be able to roll over.

The light beyond my closed eyelids slowly disappeared as the sun fell out of the sky, and at some point someone had turned on the lamp sitting on the nightstand next to my bed, but I didn’t open my eyes to find out who had done it. I knew that time had passed since Shane had taken my kids away, but I wasn’t sure how long it had been. I was almost thirty years old, and I’d never hated anyone until that moment. They left the room, and I sat silently listening as Keller screamed the entire way to the car. I dug my fingernails into my thighs as I called back to him, trying to calm him in the only way I could. But he was no match for a full-grown man.

“Auntie Kate! Auntie Kate! Please! Please!” “Don’t let him take me!” he shouted, his eyes dry but his voice filled with panic. Shane gently but firmly pulled Keller away as he grasped at me, pulling at my shirt and arms. “No!” he screamed, cleaving my heart in two. Shane started toward us, his jaw flexing, and Keller scrambled up behind me on the bed. “Let’s go, bud,” Shane said resolutely as he stopped in the doorway. “He can take Sage and Gavie and Gunner.” He straightened as we heard Shane’s footsteps thudding back down the hallway. His words only made the tears come faster. “I’m going to stay with you,” he said, reaching out to wipe at my face with his grubby fingers. When they disappeared from view, I turned to Keller, tears rolling down my face. He still wasn’t quite comfortable with his daddy, and my stomach turned as he began to cry. “Mama! Annie! Annie! Mama!” Gunner yelled fearfully, trying to pull away from Shane. “Keller,” Shane warned with a stern look before walking out the door with my baby. I’m staying with Auntie Kate,” Keller argued mutinously. Come on, Kell,” he ordered, his voice absent of any emotion. “We’ll get you some mamas for the car, bud,” Shane mumbled, rubbing Gunner’s back as he met my eyes.

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